Anonymity is intriguing.
I've had my fair share of strangers adding me.
Some are weird.
Most are weird.
All are weird.
Well, mainly because:
1)I don't know them
2)We have NO mutual friends at all
3)When i do accept their add they'd either be asking for my age or whether i'm a virgin-to which i automatically reply with a "nice talking to you" and immediately delete them.
Though there are some who are just...interesting. Imagine, someone else on the other end of that PC(?) who feels the same way as you. Don't tell me you haven't had the urge to add someone whom you felt seemed really interesting even though you don't know that person AT ALL.
I guess it's human nature to be...curious? If you put it in a nice way.
Anyway, today an anonymous person added me.
Bored, i accepted and thought nothing much of it.
Then she, i repeat she, initiated a conversation.
Sorry guys, not being stereotypical or anything but gender really plays a part cause if its a guy i'd be wary and cautious and would usually expect something sexual and if it were a girl i'd totally let my guard down. Haha but then again if it were a girl i'd be kinda disappointed deep down inside. I think it's just me but, i feel kinda flattered when i do get...harassed? i think that's too harsh of a word but, like when a random guy adds you or starts flirting(not that i've been flirted with anyway). Did that description help? Oh, nevermind thing is, i feel kind of happy inside cause in someone's eyes, i was worth it.
Seriously, i rely too much on someone else to feel good about myself.
I have so many things to say, most of which are really depressing but i won't say it here cause it's kinda open to public though i doubt anyone reads my blog anyway.
But lately...i don't have a reason to feel good about myself, or to live even.
I don't look forward to anything.
You wonder...don't you have any friends?
Heck, of course i do,
close friends
good friends
best friends
but, a real friend....
now that's tough.
What is a real friend anyway?
To me its someone you can talk to anytime, anywhere about ANYTHING without the fear of getting judged and be too embarrassed to say anything. Someone who doesn't console, comfort, or pity instead scolds and worries...that's a real friend. Now that i've got my definition, i realise i have few..or any at all. Which is sad, really sad. And the fact that i have about 8 more months of shit to endure doesnt help.
Whoops, i tend to sidetrack alot but hey, its my blog-rules are simple:
I write, You read.
Anyway this girl added me and asked for my age which i thought was really weird. We talked about random stuff and had a pretty decent conversation-bear in mind we did not know each other AT ALL-which brings us back to the 'thesis statement' (haha reminds me of mdm abbey).
That when you're talking to an unknown person and as much as you wanna know him/her they'd wanna know you just as much too, and that person could really turn out to be just about anyone, just like what your parents should have drilled into you-NEVER TRUST STRANGERS.
But really the fact that you don't know anything makes you want to know more, doesn't it?
You know what they say; Curiosity killed the cat.
Not that i'd mind being the cat anyway.
AHHH, back to the story then i asked her "What made you add me?"
And she replied "Cause i think you're kinda cute"
Maybe i found it weird for awhile but seriously girl-you don't know how much that means to me.
Interpret it all you want but that, simple comment saved my life.
My self esteem is at an all time low now and i hope to be writing more...optimistic entries in the future-if im still around, haha kidding.
Have you read 13 reasons why? It revolves around a girl called Hannah Baker who committed suicide and the story about why she did it. She calls it-the snowball effect. It's not just about 1 sole reason, it's about many reasons-quite insignificant to the ones causing it-piled up one after another. And let's just say i can relate to the story really well.
So for all you insensitive pricks-just think first before you talk cause something so small to you, can hurt me even more greatly.
Example: I was doing my work and minding my own business in class when this -nameless- guy turns to me and says "why you so fat?"
I wanted to cry. like literally cause the pass few weeks hadnt been so great for me either.
So i did the only thing i could do: ignore.
He passed it off as a "Aiya joking lah i very bored"
Seriously? You can call people fat just based on the fact that you're bored?
What kind of logic is that?!
Yeah, thanks to people like you, millions of teens are suffering from anorexia.
This entries' quite lengthy but if you've stuck with me till the end, thank you i appreciate it.
After scanning through what i wrote most of what i feel and say can be quite exaggerated-or not, but i know others have had it worse then me, but really i would like it if life would cut me some slack.
The only thing standing between me and the end of my life is my mom.
Thank you mom, i hope you'll always be my pillar of strength no matter what.
Cheers "To a positive life"
& i hope you'd help me live it.
-Lina
